By the Gulag Master
Avoiding the shit being flung far and wide by second
circuit, anal-territorial monkeys stuck in primitive primate mode, in the midst
of World War Three, rings out a small voice:
Tani: Two plus two is, after
all, four. <puts on asbestos vest>
Satan's Pussy: Yes, I definitely
agree with that, 2 plus 2 is 4.
Proletariat: Yup, and it's never 5 or 3
or 7. It's always 4.
Chorus: 2 plus 2 is 4. Tani is right.
Softie
Slime Jordanian: I see your followers are mindlessly following you around again,
you horrible, Stalin-worshiping monster. I demand you answer to me, only to me.
I faked you out, you arithmetic monster.
Wicky Martin: Yup, yup, that's
right, you sure did, you sure did.
Tani: Do you mean to say you are a liar?
Bw.
Chorus: We all know that.
Softie Slime Jordanian: I'm spinning
to the moon!
Proletariat: Ah, the fucking idiot thinks anyone ever cared.
Softie Slime Jordanian: I found this link to the Math Agnostic pages, which
has PROOPH that Tani wrote them an email saying 3 plus 3 is 6 - and they called
her a number fascist, for trying to enforce the laws of arithmetic and oppress
them! Answer that! Look at this, everbody! Tani said 3 and 3 is 6!
Radu:
Who is this hyena and running dog to make demands that anyone answer anything
he asks?
Jeph Gerbler: Is he Jewish?
Softie Slime Jordanian: You
sockpuppets, shut up.
Radu: <looks down at his socks - doesn't see any
puppets>
Jeph Gerbler: Are your socks kosher?
Softie Slime Jordanian:
You all worship Tani like a goddess, you miserable monsters, you dictators of
the laws of arithmetic! I demand you worship me instead.
Wicky Martin:
Yup, yup. That's right, that's right.
Radu: So then, anyone who agrees
with what Tani says, because maybe they know it already, think it already, and
always thought it, or researched it on their own before Tani ever said it, thinks
Tani is a goddess?
Softie Slime Jordanian: Right, exactly right. And if
anyone agrees that two plus two is four, they are following Tani's lead. See,
look at these red-brown poopie marks on my underwear! It's PROOPH!
Wicky
Martin: Yup, Yup, that's right, that's right.
Satan's Pussy: Damn it, Radu.
I may as well admit it. Yes, Tani IS my goddess. I have an altar to her in the
corner of my office, and I kneel and pray to her every time I pass it. I also
put a dollar in the offering box and send it to her once a month so she can buy
roses to put by her monitor. When Tani is kind enough to answer one of my prayers
with an e-mail, I print it out on parchment, put it under my pillow, and have
wet dreams thinking of her words. I have every word she has ever posted bound
up in a black leather binder, for safe-keeping. Her every word is one of wisdom.
Damn it. Now she will have other followers since you brought all this attention
to her. She won't have time for me anymore. Maybe I should kill myself? Oh, gawd,
whatever did I do to deserve this? (crying)
Proletariat: Oh, don't cry,
just say the prayer:
Chorus: <praying> 2 plus 2 is 4. 2 plus 2 is
4. Mint. Spoon.
Softie Slime Jordanian: But you worship Stalin, you worship
Stalin, you worship Stalin, you worship Stalin.
Tani: I do? How does one
go about worshiping Stalin. OH! <eureka idea> I know! <pause to look
up the words in a book>
Initial mantra: Bwhahahahaha. Ahem, <solemn
voice>:
PRAYER TO UNCLE JOE
Our Great Father and Teacher
Unspeakable and Unpronouncable be thy REAL Name.
Thy Union of Soviet Socialist
Republics come,
Thy Will be done,
In the world, as it is in the Soviet
Union.
Give us this day, our collective bread
And never forgive the debts
of the capitalist dogs,
And let us redistribute the wealth of our creditors,
...alternate: forgive not trespassers
and purge those that trespass against
us: off to the Gulag.
For Thine, is the Soviet Paradise,
And the Proletariat
Power,
and Socialist Glory forever:
Amen
Chorus: BLASPHEMY!!
That's not politically correct!
Worshiper: Awomen
Chorus: DEVIATIONIST!
That's not politically perfect!
Worshiper: Apeople :)
Stalin: By
Joe, you've got it!
Proletariat: <Awestruck> Our Great Father and
Socialist Teacher and Captain of the Ship of Socialism has spoken! My life is
now complete! All my dreams have been realized! And look at those hunky angels!
Does anyone here speak Russian?
Choirs of Angels in NKVD tinfoil uniforms
sing along with Red Army Chorus
10 leagues of Komsomol cherubs harmonize.
5 eons of Thunderous Applause.
BEHOLD the Great Genius
and Coryphaeus of All Knowledge and his Queen!
